for a.

you’re done with the missing
you’ve closed up the void
you’ve allowed the soul’s vacuum
you tried so hard to avoid
to swallow you up
let the breach be destroyed
and now you’re staring straight into the sun

you don’t even see me
you’ve shuttered your eyes
to the sweet spoken sights
of our early goodbyes
and the northern lights
of the hard morning skies
could make you think that i was the one

you’re over this bitterness
you’ve taken the grains
of the salt that we spread
on the tracks of our veins
and you’ve watered it down
to a briny refrain
of the tears that’ll dry when we’re done

you no longer know me
your mind is a veil
that is drawn over
the shares where we failed
and the parcels of nations
like holy grails
where the hearts of lovers were won

(no subject)

i know you’ll never understand
the reasons for my departure
many men haven’t in
the recent record of
these past three years

i left because i wasn’t me
and i never would be with you
there’s no accounting for where i went
or why i would never return
just know that i wouldn’t have

and, having already gone missing
for ten long years, i hope
you’ll excuse me if i can’t (won’t) disappear again

i’m going to run
and write poetry
and sing songs
and attempt to decipher
a method for
revealing my imperfections
instead of varnishing
over the cracks

the boxer

nothing can prepare you
for losing all that you are
and all that you have

don’t begin to believe
that the two are unrelated
for one follows the other
as surely as night follows day
(even in the lands of the
midnight sun people still
close their eyes and
pretend to be sleeping)

but neither should you despair,
for your ruin will transform you

you will burn, harden, and reemerge
tough as nails
forged in postures of defense
fists up
soul raging

finite futures

it’s really over now
those rings sound a death knell
for everything that was
and everything that was never going to be
oh, how i loved you
with the passion of the forbidden
and oh, how you didn’t love me
i was just another indulgence
like whiskey or adderall
and you aided my illusions
as you cradled my head
in your hand and wiped away tears
that would have been for you
if you’d let them be

and now i can’t stop listening
to the civil wars
because i don’t love you
but i always will