reasons i’m single (a comic poem)

what? don’t tell me
that if you had a brother
you wouldn’t fantasize
about him.

my last girlfriend died.
i still have her dog.

nah, i don’t need to
talk to the hostess.
i’ll just seat myself.

why aren’t you texting me?

let me just take a quick shower
before i leave.

i’m into polyamory.

you’re going to need a safe word.

did i mention i’m bipolar?

my girlfriend and i
are in a really weird place.

7 thoughts on “reasons i’m single (a comic poem)

  1. Reasons I’m still single:

    1. Harry Potter? Never heard of him…
    2. Oh? You’re a Yankess fan (edges out of room)
    3. thir-t-eeen cats, you say?
    4. You forgot the safe word, didn’t you?
    5. Well, yes actually, you do look fat in it
    6. Of course,I wouldn’t think of making you compromise your feminist principles (edges out of room)
    7. a night on the couch watching Anne Hathaway movies? Delightful!
    8. Your dad owns HOW many guns?
    9. As a matter of fact, yes, I DO need to drive this fast

    and the all time winner…

    10. You’re already married.

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