security blanket

fear is my new security blanket.
In childhood, it was Pinky-
a square of white and pink gingham
surrounded by white eyelet lace,
just large enough to cover me at the age of three.
I could curl up with it and experience
consolation, comfort,
calm. Quiet.
Now, there is no such thing as silence
and I stoke the furnace of anxiety that
fires in my stomach
with online searches, accidental discoveries,
and perennial misgivings.
Perpetually heightened pressure in the blood
acidity burning
I curate my trepidation and add to its collection
of doubts and distresses-
new works of suspicion arranged and displayed
for an audience of one.

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