Am I recalling yesterday’s embrace?
Did I enfold your fingers in my hand
Within the last few moons? Or was the place
In which we met again the first time sand
Soft slipping through a fissure in my brain?
I find the fixéd elements a blur
The fluid aspects somehow still remain
Reminders: who we are and who we were
Your scent a tattooed image on my skin
Your mouth a scattered photograph for days
The heart, a castaway whose wrists are pinned
Is begging for release from love’s malaise
I can no more forget than cease to lie.
And fabrications, uttered, satisfy.
As silence from your lips does drip again
I cannot even rage, as I have been
In this same state before (a time or ten)
Awaiting that your mouth my ear might bend
For who am I to rail against this fate
Which binds me to each action, false or true
Whose bands of wood I could no more negate
Than my own name, whose scar I can’t eschew
If masochism is my stock-in-trade
Then you must be that ailment’s greatest prize
I hand you up the hilt of sorrow’s blade
You pay me with aversions of your eyes
Apprenticed to the master of disdain
These words, these lines, this course is preordained
has flown a single hour or countless days?
the truth exists between these two extremes.
our shadows pace down recollected ways
and passing time dissects the inmost dreams
did I first reach for you? or you for me?
or did we reach a silent compromise?
complicit anti-angels, we were free
from morals but not free from mortal lies.
the knife that cuts the deepest is too dull
for drawing lines between a whispered no
and shouted yes. and eyes, so over full
with tears they could not see, did tears forgo.
Thus passed some hours a year ago or ten.
Someday perhaps forget the why or when
No heroes in our shared mythology.
Few rights, much wrong, the gods have cursed this song
and yet, we sing it anyway. A plea:
atoning sins with volume ever strong.
Regrets weigh heavy, clinging vines of doubt
As kudzu, joining fear to fear to fear
‘Til all despairs are one – a mass without
A name or number, formless, vague, unclear.
We push against the weight; we watch for light,
and anthems, cool as water, soothe and calm.
In darkness, they are balm against the night.
We pause, and listen; yield, and yet- push on.
Solutions there are not to this our fate.
Abide, reside in solitude – and wait.
i consider desperate moves
dodges, breakaways, headfirst headlong dives into air
that smells of peaches and crawling mosses
my hand disappears into rock soft as sunlight
trapped, my head bobs on the surface of deniable waves
i turn, breathe, and surrender
to the terrible wonderful finality
of drinking down the day
i am awake, strangled
by half-composed tunes
that my subconscious sang for you
in my dreams i knew the words
but they have fallen from my memory
and i’m left with the ache of you
(the one thing i can’t forget)